INFORMATION CONTACT US LINKS Daley Thompson, the decathlon hero of the 80s, was once also awarded an extra special medal from the high commissioner of the Olympic FairPlay Committe following his uncovering of an illegal swimming racket whilst in training for the butterfly mile. Daley had decided to go to the pool in the middle of the night to train. He thought it would be empty and quiet then - free from the retired men who sit at the side talking day in day out about football, probably wrinkled beyond their years due to the water shrivelling their skin, and free also from the girl who swims in such an awkward fashion that it looks like she's learnt to swim by being thrown in at the deep end and has carried on using the first moves she discovered that prevented her from drowning. Anyway, Daley got changed and stepped into the pool area. What he saw in the pool that evening turned his stomach. Swimmers of all nations (some of them Olympic level) were cavorting around the poolside like idiots. Some were running, some were bombing, some were ducking. Supposed swimming heroes S***** D***** and D***** G****** were openly petting on the diving board. One juvernile had even poured a bottle of matey into the kid's pool and had created froth two metres high. They didn't care about pool rules. They were just looking for kicks. Without even stopping to change out of his speedos, Daley marched straight to the local police station and reported all concerned. When they did nothing, he phoned the Olympic committee, who fined each athlete 50p for breach of the rules and baught Daley a chocolate medallion with the profits - the lowest award possible for a successful dob. Daley would never play 'Daley Thompsons Decathlon' on the spectrum until he had done a good half hours worth of finger warm ups. He would stretch his hand out on the wall like a spider with five legs and 'crawl' it around all the rooms of the house. Inspired by Dicky Bird's plan to have his ashes rolled into a ball, and pearolled into the hole by a champion bowler, Daley wants his funeral to celebrate his decathlon sucesses by having his coffin carried to the funeral by ten different modes of transport, varying from car to balloon, where it will eventually come to rest in a long jump pit to be jumped lengthways by a sucession of champion athletes, each dropping a handfull of soil as they pass over. At the height of his success, Daley had a problem whenever he went jogging along in his neighbourhood. Street kids on skateboards would grab onto his belt and would be pulled along at high speed. They called this craze 'Dallying'. To go faster, Daley used to use the placebo of having a ZX spectrum 'z' key tattood on his left foot and 'x' on his right. The cells in Daley's body are ten times the average size. This means that close up he appears pixellated - just like his character in the computer game. At scouts, Daley had all the badges. His final 'Badge collectors' badge was awarded to him by Baiden Powell himself. This is still done should any scout get all the badges, although the process has since been aided by animatronics. At the time, Powell had said that any scout who lived in a first world country would have the extra treat that he'd visit them and stay in their house for a week, to save them travelling expenses. Daley grew his moustache in the belief that from a distance, it looked like he'd got a very big mouth. He hoped to psyche out his oponants who'd believe that if he'd got a mouth that big, just imagine what his respiratory system is like. Daley's most embarrissing moment was letting go of the shotput at the wrong angle and throwing it backwards into the crowd, killing two. He still cringes whenever that gets shown on 'Auntie's Sporting Bloomers'. Daley's favourite event in the decathlon is sleepwalking. Sometimes he finds it hard going to sleep not knowing whether he'll wake up on a winning podium or in a hedge somewhere. PRETEND PAPARAZZI