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As part of National Science week 2000,
Jordan came up with a scientific
experiment to see how far she and Dane Bowers could physically bear
being apart.
It was decided that from the same starting point, he should dive
straight downwards into the ocean - whilst
she should rise up in a balloon and the distance between them be
measured using tickertape.
(she believed parting vertically rather than horizontally would create more
of a straight line which to measure since the world is round)
After ascending two metres into the sky, Jordan couldn't bear it any more
and, feeling bilious, came back down to earth.
Whilst she repeatedly tried to dive down to Dane
(each time, her inflated implants forcing her to bob back to the surface),
he sat feasting on a
meal of anchor fish and squid at the captain's table
of a sunken gallion on the ocean's floor.
This experience caused Dane to fall in love with marine life,
and he duly dumped Jordan
the very next day, politely requesting that she not bug him no more.
Devistated, Jordan decided
the only way she could compete with the ocean and win back Dane's
tiny heart
would be by taking on the appearance of a fish. Hence the ghastly lip surgery.
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Despite Jordan's surgery, Dane has always been a legs man.
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At school, Dane was nicknamed 'Dane the brain' on account of
him getting a 'B' in Religious Studies and 'brain' rhyming with his
name.
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Dane's most sexual embarrising moment was when he tripped over
Aunt Marion's Shoe lace and landed head first in a giant blamonge
at cousin Larry's christening party where he was due to
DJ a garage mix of 'Come on Eileen' and 'Superman'.
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His song 'Shut up and forget about it' wasn't played in York after
the Yorkshire Evening Press reported a story about a local mute who suffered
amnesia after stepping on a rake. It was considered an 'inappropriate noise'
within a 15 mile radius of the mute's family.
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Dane is very proud of his religion. He would go to church on Sunday but he's usually on a comedown
after a Saturday night out with MC Spoony and Icecream.
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