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Brian Eno has his experimental death all planned out already.
He's going to take a million of his closest friends, and a diagram of the
molecular structure
of a gun. Each friend is going to curl into a ball and play the part of
a molecule and get into position, according to the diagram, thus
re-building the gun out of people on a massive scale.
A bullet made out of melted down keyboards will be placed within the
people and close friend Bryan Ferry will slowly drive a finger shaped steam roller into the
'trigger' in order to 'fire' the 'gun' at Brian.
Failing that, or in the case of someone having the same idea
before he carries it out, he hopes to drown in a literal sea of ideas.
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Brian invented the 'death metal' vocalists sound after an accident
whilst trying to
record the sound of his flies being done and undone at a 4:4
rhythm for a backing track to 'Love Injection' by Placebo.
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Brian keeps a noise in his basement which once heard would make even
the most cold hearted man laugh for up to fourty days.
He has another in his 'Foot of the Megatree' room, which if played to any mammal being submerged under
water, would make it swell up to four times the size in much the same way as
a puffer fish.
(He has that one set as an alarm in case any intruders decide to take a bath
whilst he is away.)
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When he wrote 'Boys Keep Swinging' with David Bowie, Brian was shocked
that it was taken to be about bisexuality, as he'd written it about
progressing from having sex with humans to that of sexual relations with
art you have made.
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Brian's son was called '?' and his daughter '!'. ? was inquisitive by
nature, and ! was highly strung.
Sadly, however, both ? and ! died before their second birthday. ! exploded
and ? imploded.
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Brian makes difficult decisions in life easier by tossing a
57 sided coin six times and taking the mean.
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When Brian was born, his limbs appeared one by one to the time of the
oxygen machine breathing in and out on the next bed, and his head popped out at the exact
moment a nurse's pager beeped.
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Brian has composed a symphony which begins with the sound of
the formation stump of a stallagtite being tapped with a glockenspiel
hammer and ends with knocking the
stallegtite down with a gong's drumstick when it has grown two foot
down (approxomately a century later).
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WassermanEmr@aol.com sent me the following e-mail, which I'm sure is 'open to
interpritation' as it made absolutely no sense to me:
Do you wish you were a well regarded intellectual/artist, like say, Brian Eno?
Have you ever tried to ingraciate yourself to an artist of the caliber of say, Brian Eno, and been rebuffed?
If I could, I would tell you which of the airlines was burning, as burning airlines give you so much more, or so says intellectuals on par with say, Brian Eno.
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