INFORMATION CONTACT US LINKS Casey from electroclash band Fischerspooner is planning to say his final words in the year 2005 at a farewell concert in Florida. He shall then go completely mute thereafter until he be dead - 30, 40, 50, 2 or however many years later - having not spoken another word to anyone since. His thinking is that he'd like to be remembered as having said something profound whilst he can still think straight and thus be remembered as a genius, unlike fellow artists who have surrendered to inevitable senile dementia and said something stupid as their final words, many not realising that it's the last thing they shall ever say, for example Frank Sinatra's "I'm going to get one of those plastic trees next year." and Charles Hawtree's "Piss Off." (Taken from Boxtree's 'Little book of final last words', published 1997) However, recently he's been thinking of bringing the date of this farewell concert forward to next year, because lack of positive press in recent months has led him to have a frightening image of whispering his final words to a vast empty pre-booked stadium with only Michael Stipe present. As well as being able to get a multimedia track if you play the Fischerspooner CD on your computer. To be retro-cool, if you play the cassette version after the final track on your spectrum, you get a free 8 bit computer game in which you must help Casey collect genes and chromosomes from Warren's intestinal maze. Fischerspooner are renowned for their elaborate stage shows. Unfortunately, if you go and see the tribute act FischerpriceSpooner - they can only afford a bungle costume with a catherine wheel on it's head. Casey likes using long words to impress his friends. However, when texting messages on his mobile phone he uses the usual PrinceSongTitle-esque abbreviations, and in doing so once managed to reduce a 47 letter word down to 6 - a world record in texting reduction. The third member of FischerSpooner is a guru called Xu on vibes. Because Xu rejected his surname in the quest for spiritual enlightenment ("Without a surname, you have no roots"), he is represented in the bands name by an extra pixel insterted between the 'r' and the 'S'. Journalists who fail to print this pixel will be refused an interview from the band ever again. When they were signed to Ministry of Sound for a million pounds, the band divided it in two. Warren spent his half on a computer which if you feed in two or more tunes, it will write a new tune based on them for you. Meanwhile, Casey insisted his half was given to him in coppers - 1ps and 2ps - which he melted down and shaped into a sculpture of Mustang - the Greek god of the car, which he sold for an impressive £10,000. The band are going to keep any further proceeds from the music stashed under their bed in a shoe box and when the box is full will use it to "buy the best darn pair of sneakers in the freaking world". If they're not dropped first, the band's next album '#2' is due to be the exact same length as the first one but with twice as many tracks. Album number 3 is going to have twice as many again. This will continue until there are so many microsecond subliminal tracks that the only message you can get off the album is if you read the track titles in order and they make up a novel. Casey believes that when people die, they go on to play the part of a 'cell' in one giant celestial body which we call 'God'. Intelligent people such as Einstein and Jeremy Paxman will play the role of brain cells in this God, healthy people such as Linford Christie and head balancer John Evans will play blood cells running up and down the body, meanwhile scum such as Lee Bowyer will be viruses for the sake of something for the rest of the cells to fight in times of boredom. In a rock and roll mood, Warren wanted to bite a head off a bat on stage as a tribute to Ozzy Osborne. However, Casey was worried that this would make the band seem low brow and artless. In the end, they settled on the compromise of him biting the head off a peacock - which both were agreed was a suitably glamourous animal. When watching their elaborate stage shows, it is customary for fans not to cheer, whoop and call out song titles as you normally would at a gig, but rather to exclaim 'oooooh!'s and 'aaaaah's as if looking at a spectacular fire works display. PRETEND PAPARAZZI