INFORMATION CONTACT US LINKS Jim Davidson now claims his early racist material was merely being ironic and was taking the piss out of the racist jokes of his peers by the making of the same jokes in the same way but *not really* meaning it. However, nowadays when he does his old material, he is careful to first explain "Some of my best mates are black.. Let me tell you about one of them, his name's Chalky and he walked into a bar...". Jim's actions have likewise spurned on the 'outing' of other ironical people. Bernard Manning uses racial slurs as a term of affection to his asian friends and Gary Bushell uses the word 'puffs' to reclaim the word, and isn't homophobic since some of his best friends like Duncan Norvelle pretend to be gay for laughs. Like don't you get it? How can you be offended? They're being ironic? In a strange twist, in order to distance themselves from such people, many 'lads mags' have admitted to being merely sexist drivel with a hint of homophobia for people who have to be told who they think is attractive that month - and as such have won over all Gary Bushell's readers who can now 'read' 'interviews' with 'glamerous' 'babes' without getting the newsprint on their hands. Patrick Kielty, Iain Lee and Ricky Gervais have so far refused to comment. John Virgo taught Jim how you can make 'love' on a snooker table such that by changing positions and vibrating the table, you can sink all the balls in points order. It is well known that war loving Jim entertains the troops for free whenever we're fighting the foreigners, only making money out of the sales of his video. However, indirectly his appearances cost the army a fortune to stage since as a result, they have to spend much more on advertising in an attempt to try and attract more ethnic people to join, because having to watch Jim's routine was the main reason 90% of non-caucasian males and 99% of non-caucasian females put for not wanting to sign up, compared to 89% and 98% of caucasians. Jim Davidson has always been granted anulment from his many marriages because he doesn't have a heart, his wife doesn't have a brain and their God turned out to be just a litle man on a bike behind a big projection screen. Jim had arguments with the producers of 'Big Break'. He wanted the pink ball to be worth more than the black, brown or yellow and they wanted Robin Askwith as the presenter. Or at least Tarby. Believing himself to be a comic genius, Jim - like Peter Sellers in 'Dr Strangelove' - played all the roles on The Generation Game, including those of Mr Blobby, Melanie Stace and rollerblading expert Barry George. The Generation Game producers had planned to carry on using Bruce Forsyth's catchphrase "Nice to see you to see you..." "NICE!!" when Jim took over the presenting. However, the pilot recording saw the entire audience shout back "SHITE!!", and so they were replaced by canned laughter boxes conceiled within pcrash test dummies so as the contestants still think they're playing to a crowd. When Jim went into hospital to have a rib removed, UK Gold were repeating his early 'Chalky' routines whilst he was under anasthetic. The doctor saw this before going into the operating theatre and decided to teach Jim a lesson by removing his brain and placing it within the body of a black woman until he learns not to be racist or sexist. Meanwhile, his body would be given the brain of a local idiot who had fallen under himself to his death - and would then be released back into the public as Jim. However, all the possible donor bodies rejected Jim's brain and so the plan was scrapped. Jim's adult comedy is mostly based around breasts (eg his 'Boobs in the Wood' pantomime) Unfortunately, finding breasts so funny means that upon seeing any unfortunate lover naked, Jim laughs in hysterics at their body, making them even more nervous at the prospect of having to lie back and think of Usher whilst Jim sinks the pink. Jim is hoping for a civil war so that he can be both patriotic and entertain the troops, whilst at the same time stay in the country he loves. Whereas you can remember what happened to the many wives of Henry the 8th with the rhyme "Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survived", you can remember Jim's with "Divorced, Divorced, Divorced, Divorced, Divorced, Hypnotized" PRETEND PAPARAZZI