INFORMATION CONTACT US LINKS P Diddy (also known as Puff Daddy (furthermore known as Sean Combs)) is planning a version of Pop Idol in which he shall search across America for a new rap star. He shall take on the Simon Cowell role, alongside fellow judges Gwen Stefani (doing Nicky Chapman's job), Dr Dre (Dr Fox) and Pete Waterman (as himself). The winners from the east coast and west coast heats shall come together for a final showdown and the chance to win a recording contract on Puffy's own Bad Boy Entertainment label. All the losers shall be signed up together as a 'So Solid' type collective. His plan is for the final to generate enough press interest so that on the Monday after it's broadcast, the headlines will all read of the mania as the winner is launched into the public eye for the first time. Their first public appearance is planned to be at the premiere for 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire - the Movie' starring Jack Nicholson as Chris Tarrent and Sara Michelle Geller as that one in the audience that coughed at the right answers so that her husband won. They shall turn up to the red carpet on a golden bike with a bell that goes 'bling bling'. On the Tuesday, the winner's album shall be recorded. Puffy has already laid down the track, and he's hoping the winner likes the flow. There's a good ELO 'Mr Blue Sky' sample in there, as well as a critique of manufactured bands set to 'Poing' by the Rotterdam Termination Source. Wednesday - The winner shall perform his first gig. However, despite the audience consisting entirely of invited celebrities and media people, Puffy has arranged for there to be a 'dangerous' atmosphere for the reporters by providing everyone with a handgun on entry. To further create tension, it shall also be held at the top of a specially built new world's tallest building which is to be called "Puffy's Steeple", shaped like a stamen and which is to be demolished following the event by being blown over by a giant fan. Thursday - With fan hysteria at a maximum, a press conference is going to be called where the winner must read a note written by Puffy but pretending that it is their own opinions since Rivalry=Sales. The note disses Eminem as a 'Man who dress like butch lesbian' and contains rather a long tirade against Ja Rule, recently added as a footnote after Puffy saw him rapping with J Lo and got so jealous that he shot the telly right up the cathode ray tube. Friday - The first single's video will be filmed. It shall feature a custom built golden jumbo jet, some sound fx of which (the 'fasten your seatbelts' ping, the engine, an old man chewing on his boiled sweet) shall be played over the song. Adding sound effects always makes promo videos great and they aren't distracting at all. Saturday - The winner shall be shot dead outside a Wendys, just in time for the album to be released as a 'tribute'. The Wendys have a memorial range of toys to put in the 'Happy Meals' ready to go - the winner's face just needs moulding on. P Diddy's Dad's dog's dead after being hit by Ken Dodd's dad's dead dog which had jumped off a bridge to it's death. Puffy has welded twenty top of the range ferraris together to make a bus, which he drives around in. The seats are made of mink fur and it runs on liquid gold instead of petrol. Puffy thought that homosexuality was something that eminem had made up for a laugh, until he came to register domain names for his 'bad boy entertainment', 'bad boy family' and 'Biggy Smalls' websites. Puffy's biggest fear is that he's got that skin disease that Michael Jackson has, since he'll end up looking like a chinless Eddie 'the eagle' Edwards if he went white. Puffy was once caught on the motorway speeding at the speed of sound, by a trial police car travelling at the speed of light (the intended use for which was for police to drive around spotting traffic violations before they happen). "Just my luck", he silently shouted as he saw them overtake and pull him over. PRETEND PAPARAZZI